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There is a well -known saying: «If you need to explain, then do not explain». However, psychologists are ready to argue with this. It is important to learn to talk to each other, because silence often gives rise to incorrect interpretations of actions. Our heroes openly talked about what was the reason for their disappearance. The expert comments on stories.

Claims and scenes of jealousy

“We met friends at a party, I really liked her,” says Fedor. – I took the phone and invited a date a few days later. After this meeting, I realized that I want to see her again, I immediately wrote about it about it. She answered.

We began to actively correspond. At the same time, a big project was piled on me at work. It was about the implementation of the ideas that I prepared for many months, I finally got a chance. I told her about this. Began to write less because of employment.

She was still interesting to me, but I did not expect such a negative reaction. I began to talk to me as if we have been married for a long time and we are binding our obligations. «Why did not you call? I already forgot about me?»Once I hinted that the matter, as she thinks, is not in work, but that I have someone else, and I hide it.

In the end, I realized that in our relationship, already at the very beginning, a severity is planned, which makes me feel guilty. I do not want to constantly make excuses and explain something, trust and freedom are important to me. I just stopped answering her «.

The opinion of the psychologist

“In the history of Fedor, there were quite a few reasons for the manifestations of his chosen one. For example, the desire to hear-he also misses and is upset because meetings are rare. The girl was worried: if they do not communicate more often, they will not bind anything, and they will move away from each other.

Perhaps she had a partner before, who cheated and deceived that she was busy at work. We do not know. And Fedor does not know this, because he made excuses and explained, but did not ask the girl why she reacts this way.

The girl made a similar mistake: she did not explain the reasons for her experiences and did not discuss how he could now, in a situation of dense employment, show that she was still a road to him.

The expectation that the partner has no vulnerabilities, avoiding an open dialogue Here is what prevented Fedor from building a more comfortable relationship «.

Notes of aggression and arrogance

“I invited her to dinner and was very worried, but this first meeting turned over in private,” Maxim admits. – She immediately began to communicate down.

She did not like the table that we were offered. While the bar was waiting for replacements behind the counter, a couple of times I let me know that I was not enthusiastic about which restaurant I chose. They talked about travel – and she lowered a few jokes about the country and its inhabitants, who seemed to me not funny, but rather rude.

I will not say that the evening was completely spoiled-we still had something to talk about, we found common topics, laughed. I looked at her and now saw only a spectacular girl. It was flattered to me that I invited her to dinner and she attracts her eyes. But something inexplicable that attracted me in it crushed in front of my eyes.

If I had not planned anything with her, except for unrealistic meetings, then I would have called her again. But for me the magic that arose at the first acquaintance disappeared, and I realized that I did not want to continue. «.

Flirting with other men

“That evening he invited her to his friends and did not expect what would happen next,” recalls Cyril. – She flirted with everyone in a row, did it openly, almost defiantly.

Later I found out that someone asked her with whom she came, and my girlfriend only smiled back and did not answer anything. It has inflated me. When at the end of the evening she, as if nothing had happened, came up to me, hugged and asked when we would go home, I replied that she would leave from here without me.

After that, she wrote to me, offered to meet and talk. Perhaps at that party she only wanted to assert herself and show what is interesting to many men. However, I lost interest in her. And we have nothing more to talk about «.

The opinion of the psychologist

“In the stories of Maxim and Cyril, we see examples of how hasty conclusions and harsh decisions can prevent people from being together.

Young people do not tell the girls about their perception of their behavior. Perhaps if they dared to show their vulnerability that they were not thick -skinned and they don’t care, they could find out what these girls actually.

Many strive to show themselves from the best side, which often means to seem successful and in demand for us. It was this image that the girls created. But Maxim and Cyril themselves created in response the image of independent, insensitive people who do not care «.

Emphasizing the shortcomings of appearance

“We met at driving courses, she immediately attracted me. They began to meet, and then … For some reason, she told me that she looks bad,-says Sergey. – It turns out that she always considered herself ugly. He regularly goes to the gym because she has recovered.

At first I ravaged it, but then in a strange way talking about the shortcomings made me pay attention. I am interested to win a girl, and not engage in her psychotherapy. It was probably not very good to disappear on my part, but I just did not know what to tell her «.

Pessimism and negative view

“We met for a couple of weeks, and for this short time I was tired of the fact that she is constantly bad,” Alexey admits. – … it was necessary to choose another movie in the movie. Service in the restaurant is terrible, food is tasteless.

She shared with me the saddest stories and news that occur in the life of her friends, relatives and her own. She is a very beautiful, interesting girl, but it was difficult for me to put up with a sense of life as a difficult test in which you have no chance. With such a person I definitely are not on the way «.

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The opinion of the psychologist

“It is also very important to admit your restrictions in time and honestly talking about feelings. Girls from the story of Sergey and Alexei seemed to need greater support, attention, sympathy from young people. And the guys even tried to give it, but in the end they exhausted their reserves.

They did not take into account that each person is responsible for his emotional state himself. The partner cannot fill out the whole void and lack of self -acceptance, if a person has no skill and ability to take support and be grateful what is.

The recognition of their restrictions helps partners not to portray themselves as a superman, but to hear another «.

Blackmail and ultimatum

“It all started with the fact that we first quarreled, and because of nonsense,” says Stas. – I was very busy at work, and that evening I could not meet, although we agreed.

I really hoped that he would understand me, but she wrote hard: “If you don’t come today, you won’t see me anymore”. It offended me, but it seemed in the end we understood each other. My friend even found the strength to apologize. Well, I apologized for not being able to influence the circumstances.

However, after a couple of weeks, the story repeated. I needed to help a friend with a computer, but she obviously had other plans that I did not know about. She arranged a real hysteria on my phone: «Either I or your friends, choose». «Friends» – I said and hung up. We haven’t seen each other anymore. I can’t stand blackmail «.

The opinion of the psychologist

In the history of Stas, I see a vivid example of how the lack of respect for the interests and affairs of the partner can result in a gap. Everyone alone decides something about joint plans, people do not discuss changes with each other, do not seek alternatives that could arrange both sides.

When the position of each of the participants in the conflict is tough, it is impossible to agree on. Stas warns the partner post-fact, when something is impossible to do something. The girl does not talk about what the meeting is important to her at the moment and what alternatives are there. There is no space for regulation.

When we begin a new relationship, our fears and expectations rise, I really want this time that everything works out.

That is why quite often at the first meetings we behave not quite adequately: we try to impress or immediately identify our requirements for the future partner so that there are no false expectations.

We are not perfect, we make mistakes, misunderstand each other. If you make quick conclusions and not to clarify what is behind the behavior of another person, then the probability of not entering into long -term relationships catastrophically increases.

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